by Jerry Politex, Editor, Bush Watch

Let's say you live in a large home in a better neighborhood of your town, and on a weeknight you have some friends over for dinner and drinks, and between 11 and midnight you set off 10 minutes of fireworks in your back yard. Your neighbors are quite upset, not having been asked in advance if that would be ok with them. They call the cops and complain. The guy across the street asks the police what kind of idiot would set off fireworks on a school night, waking his small son. The police inform you of your neighbors' complaints, but since you have quite a bit of clout in your town, they figure what's done is done. After all, you have to live with your neighbors, not them. You don't contact your neighbors and apologize. Instead, you have your wife send around a note that reads, "About the fireworks last night, 'as always, we try to be respecful of the residents in the surrounding [neighborhood]. As you know, the fireworks were part of a special event to celebrate our relationship with [our guests]. It was in no way meant to be disruptive.'" (NYT, 9/7/01)

Your guests happen to be soft drink executives from Mexico, and at a business meeting the next day, local reporters ask them a few questions during an informal press conference. You use your high school-level Spanish, showing off for your guests. Not liking one reporter's question, you tell him to "shut up" in Spanish: "callate." (Reuters, 9/5/01) Both you and your guests have a laugh at the puzzled reporter's expense. As the questions continue to be not to your liking, you and your guests quickly leave. You answer their last minute questions with, "No puedo oir." ("I can't hear you.") Your guests continue to laugh as you all walk away, and you hear a reporter say, "Asshole" in stage-whispered English.

At a businessmen's dinner later that evening, you declare that your franchise business will open over 60 locations next year. After the dinner at a press conference, one young local reporter begins to question that figure. You smile and mockingly call him "a fine, fine lad," getting a big laugh from out-of-state business reporters. The young reporter tries to continue his questioning, and "acting like an excited party guest who couldn’t keep a funny comment inside," you interrupt "the reporter to deliver the punch line. 'A little short on hair, but a fine lad. Yeah,' provoking a new round of laughter at the reporter's expense." (Consortium,8/27/01) Persistent, the youthful scribe tries again, again you interrupt: "This fine lad 'represents Fort Worth, [you say], prompting another round of knowing laughter from the national press corps.'" Your CEO, who is in on the joke, adds, "'I never would have guessed,' eliciting more laughter." The next day your CEO tells other reporters that you'll definitely be opening up 60 franchised locations next year. A week later, after media attempts to have you provide a list of the 60 franchise locations you spoke of, your press secretary admits that you will open fewer than half of the 60 franchises claimed, and chalks up your error to a "misunderstanding," saying that the 60 number represented "potential" locations, not actual locations. (NYT, 9/7/01)

The next day, pickets begin to form outside your house in protest of your general business practices, but you erect a 9 foot high, 2 1/2 miles long chain link fence topped with razor wire around your property (BDN, 9/3/01). You meet with the media on your protected grounds inside the fence, saying that you back the pickets' right to protest. Meanwhile, you have made a deal with the local police, having the pickets moved to a protest zone next to a busy freeway, 10 miles from your house. (TT, 9/4/01) You wonder why so many folks in town hate your guts.